Emotional Self Control
Emotions tend to hijack our actions and reactions, although we like to deny it. Society often sees emotions as a sign of weakness, so we became used to putting them away and try to stay focused on the rational aspects more and more. But no matter how strict and rational you desire to be, you will always be a human being, instead of a robot, and so you will always have emotions.
Positive emotions are a long term goal for many of us. What is more significant, in the end: how much income you produced during your career or how many times you had fun? Nevertheless, people tend to put their positive emotions under the dark shadow of their negative feelings. This is one of the worst problems we come across during our lives. There is no definative method to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with positive ones. It just doesn’t work that way.
As a child, if your goldfish dies, you would be extremely sad. Your parents will probably find you another goldfish, but the sadness still takes a long time to go away. Things get even more serious with adults. A fight with your partner the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, with your mind wandering. Then you will go home with an even worse mood. On the way from work towards home you won’t be able to enjoy the sun shining and you won’t be tempted to stop at the grocery store and purchase your favorite ice cream. All that because that one negative thought is contaminating the way you perceive the reality around you.
At this point you will feel that creating a safe place to relax your mind would do wonders. And that place is actually easy to go to. It could be an actual location or an imaginary place. The best idea is to totally submerge yourself in it. Let’s say you have a problem on your mind and it just won’t go away. Go bowling! You don’t know how to bowl, you say? No problem, go out and try it! Get caught up in the game, think about those silly shoes, choose a favorite ball, make up new ways to throw and so on. Your mind will suddenly change gears from the negative thoughts that plagued your last hours or days and start processing a whole new type of information.
A safe place can grow many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person. The crucial thing is to let yourself to get completely involved with this new activity. You may still get flashes of the problem every now and then – dismiss them and get even more involved in what you are doing.
When the bowling game, the song, the movie or the conversation ends you will have a rather abrupt return to your problems. You will possibly feel sad and want to go back to the safe place. Don’t do that. The safe place lives only as a helping hand, not as a solution to every one of your problems. It is there to help you relax your thoughts, for a few minutes or hours.
This is a vital stage in your solution to what is distressing you. You will come back from your safe place with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and create more confidence that any problem can be solved. This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can increase your fighting energy and allow you to solve even the most difficult problems.
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