Creating Emotional Safety
Emotions are inclined to dominate our actions and reactions, although we like to claim otherwise. Society frequently sees emotions as a sign of mental weakness, so we got used to setting them aside and try to concentrate on the logical aspects more and more. But no matter how strict and logical you would like to be, you will always be a human being, not a robot, and so you will always feel.
Positive emotions are a life long goal for a large number of us. What is more important, in the end: how much income you brought in during your career or how many times you enjoyed yourself? Still, people have the tendency to put their positive emotions under the dark shadow of their negative feelings. This is one of the biggest problems we come across during our lives. There is no obvious way to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with positive ones. It just doesn’t work that way.
As a child, if your goldfish dies, you would be very sad. Your parents will definately get you a new goldfish, but the sadness still takes ages to go away. Things get even more serious with adults. A fight with your spouse the night before will affect your whole day. You will go to work angry, tired, with your mind wandering. Then you will go home with an even worse mood. On the way from work towards home you won’t be able to enjoy the sun shining and you won’t be tempted to stop at the store and buy your favorite ice cream. All that because that one negative thought is contaminating the way you perceive the reality around you.
In this moment you will feel that locating a safe place to relax your mind would do wonders. And that place is relatively easy to discover. It can be an actual location or an imaginary place. The best idea is to totally emerge yourself in it. Let’s say you have a problem on your mind and it just won’t go away. Go bowling! You don’t know how to bowl, you say? No problem, go out and try it! Get caught up in the game, think about those silly shoes, select a favorite ball, play around with new schemes to throw and so on. Your mind will suddenly change gears from the negative thoughts that took over your last hours or days and start processing a totally new type of information.
A safe place can find many shapes. It can be a song, a movie, even a person. The most crucial thing is to allow yourself to become completely involved with this new activity. You can still get flashes of the problem every now and then – brush off them and get even more involved in what you are doing.
When the bowling game, the song, the movie or the conversation ends you will have a rather abrupt return to your problems. You will probably feel down and want to go back to the safe place. Don’t do that. The safe place exists only as a helping hand, not as a solution to every one of your problems. It is there to help you relax your brain, for a few minutes or hours.
This is a vital stage in your solution to what is troubling you. You will come back from your safe place with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and have more confidence that any issue can be resolved. This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can increase your fighting energy and allow you to solve even the most difficult problems.
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