Controlling Your Thoughts
Emotions tend to take over our actions and reactions, although we like to claim otherwise. Society typically sees emotions as a sign of weakness, so we grew used to setting them aside and try to focus on the rational aspects more and more. But no matter how strict and logical you wish to be, you will always be a human being, not a robot, and so you will always feel emotion.
Positive emotions are a consistant goal for many of us. What is more crucial, in the long term: how much income you produced during your working life or how many times you had fun? But, people tend to put their positive emotions within the dark shadow of their negative feelings. This is one of the greatest problems we come across during our lives. There is no sure plan to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with positive ones. It just doesn’t work that way.
As a kid, if your goldfish dies, you would be very sad. Your parents will certainly get you another goldfish, but the grief still takes what seems like decades to go away. Things get even more serious with adults. A fight with your mate the night before will damper your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, with your mind wandering. Then you will go home with an even worse mood. On the way from work towards home you won’t be able to notice the sun shining and you won’t be tempted to stop at the store and find your favorite ice cream. All these because that one negative thought is contaminating the way you perceive the reality around you.
In this moment you will feel that creating a safe place to relax your mind would do wonders. And that place is pretty easy to find. It may be an actual location or an imaginary place. The best idea is to totally emerge yourself in it. Let’s say you have a problem on your mind and it just won’t go away. Go bowling! You don’t know how to bowl, you say? No problem, go out and try it! Get caught up in the game, think about those ugly shoes, choose a favorite ball, cook up new schemes to throw and so on. Your mind will suddenly change gears from the negative thoughts that dominated your last hours or days and start processing a totally new kind of information.
A safe place can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person. The main thing is to permit yourself to become completely involved with this new activity. You will still get flashes of the problem every now and then – disregard them and get even more involved in what you are doing.
When the bowling game, the song, the movie or the conversation ends you will have a rather abrupt return to your problems. You will most likely feel gloomy and want to go back to the safe place. Don’t do that. The safe place is used as only as a helping hand, not as a solution to every one of your problems. It is there to help you relax your thoughts, for a few minutes or hours.
This is a critical stage in your solution to what is distressing you. You will return from your safe place with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and create more confidence that any problem can be resolved. This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can increase your fighting energy and allow you to solve even the most difficult problems.
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